I start by saying this is not particularly a good time in Nigeria as we keep hearing or reading in the newspapers of some death or killings that are related to man-woman relationship. I am particularly disturbed and seriously worried at the rate at which people take their lives or kill another person all in the name of love. I am more saddened because of the sanctity of life!
In my last blog titled “What’s the value of your life?” I concentrated on the need for people to understand and respect sanctity of life. However, this piece will be centred on the issue of relationship between a man and woman with the sole aim of stressing the importance of life and living. Most importantly I will be addressing the female folks mainly.
I can still remember it was just a couple of weeks ago when news broke out that one Mr. Kolade Arowolo was alleged to have stabbed his wife to death. My immediate comment was “that’s impossible!”. I said so because I couldn’t understand why a man would stab his own wife to the extent that she died in the process. I still can’t fathom why anyway. Albeit there were different versions of the events that led to the death of the deceased, Mrs. Titilayo Arowolo one thing remains certain and clear, she is dead.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, I got on twitter on the afternoon of Wednesday, July 20, 2011 and there in my face was another story of a young lady named Miss Motunrayo Ogbara who was reported to have committed suicide and the reason stated in the story as published by Punch Newspaper was that she got jilted by her boyfriend.
In the case of Mrs. Arowolo I asked the question of how long has the domestic violence been going on? Why did she wait till she had to lose her life in the process? Couldn’t she have reported to the Police? Unfortunately she’s late and so we will never have answers these questions. How sad! However, I believe the following questions are what the police should be asking. Apart from the couples who else knew about the domestic violence? If there were, how long and what did they do about it? Apparently we don’t even have well equipped Police and security system to conduct such investigation.
However, in the case of Miss Ogbara I understand from the story published in the papers that she had at one time in the past, precisely in December 2010, attempted to commit suicide but was stopped by family members. The following would be my questions: was she suffering from? Perhaps depression? Did she at any time before her suicide talk to anyone about what she was facing? Did she or her family seek medical and psychological help? A lot of questions beg for answers but she is already gone.
After taking closer look at the story surrounding Miss Ogbara’s suicide one gets the impression that she decided to take her life out of her personal reasons other than being jilted by her boyfriend. My point is I understand she had a medical condition which invalidated her from an opportunity at bearing a child resulting in the boyfriend leaving her. So what if you can’t have a child?! However, I am struggling to understand why a woman will commit (even want to) suicide because a man has just left her. I therefore conclude that Miss Ogbara’s suicide is more than the jilt but we will never find out the real issues involved.
That said I strongly believe that in the interest of those of us still alive we need to critically examine the issues at hand by educating ourselves on what needs to be done should we be faced with such peculiar situations. We cannot continue to live in this manner lest we hear someone has taken his/her life because of another man or woman whatever the reason.
Millions of people walk the streets all over the country wallowing in frustration and depression even though it is not conspicuously seen on their faces but with a closer look at some people one can easily tell if such person has been bottling up a lot and needs to ‘offload’ some of the things worrying their minds. For these reasons I suggest government establish institutions where people can easily go to seek guidance and counselling by talking to the psychologist and in some cases perhaps a psychotherapist would be better.
A lot would say “but I am not mad why do I need to see a therapist?” You don’t have to be mad before you seek help! After all the wise saying is that prevention is better than cure. I strongly believe that the secretive nature of our people as well as the constant thought of what the society would say or think has led many to suffer or die in silence when they can actually get help with ease. Society can only talk about you until a more interesting topic comes up and they move on. In fact now that they are both dead isn’t the society talk about them? People should inculcate the culture of sharing their problems with those who they think can proffer immediate and potential solutions.
In saner climes there are institutions dedicated to listening to people who are depressed or frustrated for whatever reason(s). I put it to you that the current situation in Nigeria is enough for some people to be frustrated so when other problems are added to the existing situations they become depressed and a lot lose their sanity in the process.
Excuse me sir! You don’t have to take out your frustration or act of depression on that woman by turning her into your punching bags. She’s not the cause of your problem. Even if she is, if you feel like punching or when angry and need to hit something I reckon you can use the walls in your house. If you feel the pains in your hands maybe you will understand the effect landing your fist on your spouse will have on her. Why must you even beat your wife? I thought you loved her that’s why you married her in the first place. Did you tell her family that your house is a boxing ring? Men beware!
Let me categorically make this clear that under no circumstance most especially marriage should a woman allow a man (be her husband, fiancé or boyfriend) to violate her right as a person. Don’t even wait for violence at all. When he raises his voice to verbally abuse you then you should be getting ready to run. The moment you discover a man is getting violent, marriage or no marriage, women please take to your heels and run as far as you can. You are more useful alive divorced, separated or single than dead married or engaged. If you kill yourself because of another man I can assure you that he will only mourn for a while and move on with his life even with a prettier woman.
Please don’t get me wrong I am not saying you shouldn’t respect your man but you should know when it is turning into slavery which isn’t what you signed up for. As for the unmarried ones what tells you that he is the right one? If he beats or violates you before marriage what assurance do you have that he would change after marriage? If he doesn’t marry you another man would and in so many of the times you end up with a better person!
Please don’t kill yourself because of him and neither should allow him to kill you. Trust me it’s not worth losing your life. A word they say is enough for the wise! Shine your eyes and act promptly!
May God be with, keep and bless you all.